Not Without You
by lovexalways
Summary: What if edward never came back and bella was changed into a vampire by Helena a random vampire? would she be able to move on with her life or will she always love edward? All normal pairings that stephenie meyer created xD
1. Chapter 1

**Not without you**

**DISCLAIMER!**

**I am not stephenie meyer and in no way trying to pretend i am her. all characters are created by her!! and this goes for all chapters!!**

**What would happen if Edward never came back and Bella was transformed into a vampire by Helena, who saw much potential in Bella? Could Bella finally move on? Would Edward and Bella be reunited?**

"Hello Bella. How was hunting?" Helena, my creator, greeted me.

"Fine" I replied.

"I still don't see how you restrain yourself and only hunt animals. It doesn't make sense." She has been telling me this for the past 2 years that I have been a vampire. A vegetarian diet wasn't hard for me. It came naturally. Plus that was the way Edward hunted. I would never tell Helena this though.

"It's easy for me" I said. We were now back at our house in Forks, Washington. This was the last place I wanted to live but it was perfect weather conditions for us and we were close to many cities where Helena could hunt. I went up to my bedroom and shut the door. I went over to my dresser and opened the top drawer. There lay a picture of me and Edward from a happier time, when I was human and he still loved me. It always made me smile seeing this picture but then a rush of sadness and loss would rush over me. It had been three years since he had left me. 2 since I've become a vampire. It was hard living without him. I still loved him and I always would love him. He was a part of me whether he was here or not. I wished I could sleep, wished I could dream of a happy time when love was simple. No our love was never simple. But it was easy at times. But it was also chaotic and wild and dangerous and maybe just maybe I liked that about our relationship. Everything didn't add up to the perfect equation, nothing ever did. But that was the fun of life, never knowing exactly how things will end. Even knowing this I still wanted him back and I was sick of this, sick of living my life without him. I couldn't do it anymore. I walked over to my computer turned it on and clicked on the internet browser. I was going to find him. One way or another. Maybe he would take me back now that I was stronger and he wouldn't have to protect me all the time. Maybe he would love me again. Oh who am I kidding? That would never happen. But I had to try. I knew that my best chance of finding them was searching Carlisle so I could see if he was working at a hospital. I typed 'Carlisle Cullen' into the Google search engine and got over 3,000 results. Mainly about random people who I don't know. Finally I found it. , Dr. Carlisle Cullen. I clicked on the link. And waited for it to load. It listed a full history of his work places. But I knew those weren't all the places he had worked at. The most recent was the Alaskan children's hospital. Alaska. I can't believe it. I found him. All I could do is hope and pray that this information was accurate. I wrote down the address of the hospital, afraid that if I called it would give them a chance to leave, and headed out of my bedroom and ran to the front door.

"Where are you going?" Helena asked me.

"Alaska" I replied and without further explanation I was out the door running at an inhuman pace threw the forest. I was going to see him. I had to see him. It had been too long and I needed him back. I was not capable of living…not without him

**Edward POV**

"For the last time Alice, no. I'm not coming home." I was getting very aggravated with her. She asked me to please come home almost every day. But I couldn't go home, not like this. Not when Bella is still in every thought of mine. I wish I had never left. I wish I could have taken her with me…I wish…

"Fine. You'll come home soon though. I just know it" she said happily. She had a vision. Great. I really didn't want to know what exactly would bring me home and I didn't care. Home had no meaning without her, without Bella. It had been three years since I left her, two since she passed away. That killed me more than anything. Wasn't my whole point of leaving to protect her? And then she dies! I couldn't live in a world where she didn't exist. I just couldn't. When I heard the news of her death I went to the Volturi to beg that they kill me, they wouldn't. So I tried to expose myself in the sun but Alice saw that coming. She stopped me. And now it was back to sleepless nights running around the continental U.S. It was as if I had died too when Bella had. She always believed I had a soul. Maybe she was right, maybe my soul was hers, like she said hers was mine the day I left. The memory of that day made me twinge. I remembered Alice on the phone.

"Fine. Bye Alice" and I flipped my phone shut. I loved Bella. I always have and always will. When I told her I didn't want her it was all a lie. I couldn't believe it that she actually believed me though. Hadn't she heard me all the countless times I told her I loved her? That I needed her? That I could never leave? And all it took was "I don't want you to come with me" and she believed I didn't love her? That I didn't need her? I never thought in a million years it'd be that easy to convince her. It hurt to think about that. So I took off running again. Forgetting my family, my past, Bella's death, and just running, not stopping, I just kept on running. Running away from my family, my past and Bella's memories. Trying to forget them all, I knew it was pointless but I kept running. Not stopping for anything.

**Bella POV**

When I finally arrived at the Alaskan children's hospital, I walked in and went to the receptionist desk.

"Hello. How can I help you?" said the young receptionist. She was probably somewhere in her early twenties. She was very pretty though she had long dark black hair that was in big curls and she wore a light pink tank top and jeans.

"Hello. Is Carlisle Cullen working today?" I asked sweetly.

"uhm…Let me check" she said and she looked at her computer screen.

"Yes he is. Would you like me to page him?" she asked

"yes please"

"your name?" she asked

"Bella."

"hello. Yes its Ava. Someone is here to see you, her name is Bella" she said into the phone

"Okay he'll be right down." she said to me. "you can feel free to take a seat in the waiting area over there"

"okay thank you very much" I said and walked over to the waiting area and sat down. moments later I saw Carlisle come down the stairs looking very confused.

"Carlisle! I'm so glad to see you!" I said as I jumped out of the chair and ran over to him.

"Bella? Is that you?"

"Yes. It's me" I said. Now I was confused. Who else would it be?

"Would u like to talk in my office? Its more private and I have a feelings we won't want anyone over hearing this conversation" he said in a whisper that was only audible to me

"Sure." I said and followed him down the hall and into his office. He leaned against his desk and looked at me.

"You're alive." He said.

"Yes. You thought I was dead?" I asked

"Yes we all did Bella. We heard of your death. We all have thought you were dead for two years. What happened" he asked sitting down

"Well I'm not dead." I said. Where should I start? With jumping off the cliff? With the motorcycles? When Helena found me? I felt like an intruder to this world, To the Cullen's world. Edward never wanted me to be a vampire and now I was.

"yes, I can see that. You're not human either."

"no I'm not." I said And his phone started ringing.

"I'm sorry I have to take this." He said picking up the phone

"Hello? Yes I will be right there" he said into the phone.

"I'm so sorry Bella there's an emergency with one of my patients. Would you like to wait here? I get off of work in 2 hours. Then we can talk." He said to me

"sure." I said. He looked like there was something else he wanted to say but was afraid to "what is it?" I asked him

"Well if you could refrain from hunting here, especially in the hospital I'd appreciate it." He said

"Are there animals in this hospital?" I asked

"No, only humans" he said confused

"Well then you don't have to worry." He seemed to understand

"Ah, I see. Okay well I'll be back later" he said as he walked out the door. I looked around his office. i looked at the pictures on his desk. One was of him and Esme. Another of his 'children' and one of the whole family. They were taken fairly recently I guessed. I checked the date on the back of the picture. 3 months ago. And then I noticed that Edward wasn't there. He wasn't in the picture. Wasn't he with his family? And then I noticed that in the frame of the picture with his 'children' there was another picture, behind it. I took it out to look at it. It was me and Edward. It was a picture of us going to prom. Edward looked happy and so did I. it was hard to look at this picture, from a time when I was happy when me and Edward were still together, when he still loved me. It never made sense for him to love me. I guess more time had passed then I thought because I was still staring at the picture of me and Edward when Carlisle walked in.

"Hello Bella" he said "Ah I see you found that picture" he smiled at me.

"Yeah…why isn't he in the other ones you have?" I asked

"Because he's not living with us anymore. He hasn't been home in a long time." He said sadly

"why not? Where is he?"

"He's someone north of us, in Canada were guessing. He hasn't been the same since we left. He doesn't like being around people, and would rather be all alone then to be around us because he knows how it hurts us to see him so upset. But we want him to come home we all miss him" he said

"Oh. Why's he so upset?" and he chuckled

"You have to ask? He's upset because he lost you, it became worse when he thought you had passed away."

"Really?" I asked surprised

"Yes Bella. In about 100 years he has never been as happy as when he was with you."

"Oh" I was speechless. I couldn't believe it. He left me though! Not the other way around!

"Would you like to come to our home? I'm sure everyone will be thrilled to see you and I would like to know what happened"

"Sure I miss everyone so much" I said

"okay come on then." And he led the way and ounce we were in the protection of the forest we started running. We got to his house in less than 5 minutes and when we walked in the door everyone looked at me with confusion except for Alice who was already hugging me.

"Bella! It's so good to see you! I missed you so much!" Alice said. And everyone looked even more confused when she said my name.

"I've missed you too Alice" I said with a giggle. Carlisle was over at Esme's side with one arm wrapped around her.

"Hi everyone. Well as you can see Bella did not die." Carlisle said

"I knew you were coming! I stopped looking for your future because Edward didn't want me to but I saw you coming today! I was actually talking to Edward earlier. I told him he would be coming home soon. And I was right! He's on his way. He doesn't know you're here yet though. He was just curious as to why he would be coming home." Alice said

"Hi Bella. It's so nice to see you" Esme said as she gave me a hug

"It's good to see you too" I said. And after I said hello to everyone else it was time to talk. We all sat down in the family room, Carlisle and Esme on one couch holding hands, Rosalie was on Emmett's lap and Alice and jasper sat next to each other hand in hand.

"So Bella tell me how you got changed" Carlisle began

"I can only remember bits and pieces of the actual process, but a vampire name Helena changed me. I, well, er was in critical health and Helena is able to know someone's gift. I guess she saw potential in me, at least that's what she told me, It was two and a half years ago that it happened and two years ago, as you know, I was claimed to be dead. I now live with Helena in Forks. She survives off human blood though. We Have to move around a lot." I explained

"wait you don't survive off of humans?" jasper said

"No. I only hunt animals" I said and I could see the shock on jaspers face. He had always had trouble with the Cullen's diet so it must be hard knowing that I was able to adapt.

"How could you get that much control? You live with a lady who hunts humans how did you learn to control yourself?" asked jasper

"I'm not really sure. Helena says that one of my talents is the ability of self control. Hunting animals was just what I did. I didn't have to think twice about it." I said

"wow. That's incredible. And you said only one of your talents? Do you have others?" Carlisle asked

"Well as you know Edward could never read my mind, so Helena believes that I am able to shield things that affect me mentally. Because both Alice and Jasper's powers work with me." I didn't think I was talented. Not like Alice or Edward or Jasper.

"Edward will be here in 20 minutes" Alice said happily. "But I do want to talk to you Bella…alone" she said.

"Okay."

"Come with me Bella we can go for a run" Alice said and I followed her we ran a few miles until we came to a place to sit down and talk.

"What do you need to talk about Alice?" I said

"Why did I see you jump off a cliff Bella? How could you do that! When I said I wasn't looking for you I wasn't lying I really wasn't searching the future for you. But I'm so in tune to you its hard not to see you sometimes. I saw you jump but I didn't see the ending, Edward interrupted me and got mad that I saw you. Why did you jump off the cliff?" this was the last thing I wanted to explain to anyone right now.

"Alice I didn't do it to kill myself. I was cliff diving. I was supposed to go with Jacob black but he umm… had to do something." I said I didn't know if I should tell her that Jacobs a werewolf or not.

"Okay. Is that when you were changed?" she asked

"yes."

"you haven't been doing well Bella. I can sense that. Jasper could tell. I can read jasper so easily sometimes but I can also tell that you haven't been the same since we left."

"No I haven't. Its been hard." I said sadly

"Yeah it has on us too." She said

"should I leave? Before Edward gets here?" I asked. I didn't want to leave but maybe it would be better if I did.

"No! you just got here, Of course not. You're the reason he's coming home he just doesn't know it yet!"

"But Alice he doesn't want me. So he probably won't want to see me"

"Bella he loves you. Trust me. He does and he'll be thrilled that you're here"

"Okay…but please don't tell him about the cliff diving…or motorcycles"

"what motorcycles?!"

"Oh …er I thought you already knew about that. It's nothing, just me and Jake having some fun" I laughed nervously.

"Bella what are we going to do with you." She said as she took off running towards her house. When we got there Edward was in the family room sitting on the lounge chair looking somewhat annoyed as the rest of the Cullen's looked at him with anxious smiles. I guess they were blocking him out of their head. So maybe he didn't know I was here yet. I couldn't decide if this was good or bad. This way he wouldn't have a chance to run out of the country but maybe he would anyway. He looked at me then, I was standing awkwardly at the doorway. He looked at me for a long moment then to Alice then back to me.

"Alice…what did you do?" he asked still staring at me. I couldn't figure out if he knew it was me or not.

"Nothing, Edward. She found us I was simply out talking to her about something."

"Bella?" he whispered my name softly

"Yes?" I said. He looked at me the way a one person might looked at their dead lover, with despair and sadness in his eyes.

"I cant believe it" he said

"Lets give them some time to catch up" Carlisle said and everyone walked out of the room. When they were all out I went and sat on the sofa.

"Who changed you Bella? And why?"

"Her name is Helena. She is able to see what a person's talent would be. I was in…well…er…critical health and she saw potential in me. So she changed me."

"What happened that put you in this critical health?" he asked me but before I could answer Alice popped in the room.

"Bella's into extreme sports these days Edward" and I could see that she was showing him her vision and telling him about the talk we had in the woods.

"Thanks Alice!" I said sarcastically

"Anytime!" she said as she skipped out of the room. Edward turned to me with a disapproving glance. I forced a nervous smile.

"How could you do something so reckless and stupid? What was going through your head Bella?"

"You were." I mumbled.

"What?"

"Nothing." I said "Listen if you don't want me here Edward I'll leave"

"Bella of course I want you here, you don't know how much I missed you." And then he was kissing me. He kissed me with so much passion and romance and love i thought my head would explode. I couldn't handle this. I shouldn't let him kiss me. It would hurt so much when he left. But I couldn't think straight I couldn't concentrate enough to push him off of me. So I gave up. I kissed him back with as much passion and romance and love as I could luster. I kissed him back and he kissed me. This was so much better then I remember it. So much better now than when I was human. Finally he pulled away to look at me.

"I love you" he whispered

"I love you too" I said back. And we were kissing again and it didn't matter that his family was upstairs or that he left and that I was a vampire now. I didn't care about anything but being with him even if it was for a short time. I could go to the Volturi when he left again. It was worth it.

* * *

**Authors note!**

**Okay so this is my very first fan fiction and i really hope you liked it! id really appreciate reviews and im working hard on chapter two. should be up in the next week or so! so please review!!!**

**-- lovexalways 3**


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

**Okay I'm so so so sorry for not updating things have been so hectic! My on and off again boyfriend and I broke up again…he cheated so its been kinda hard to write about love…especially like Bella and Edwards!! But ill try to update faster! I hope you like this chapter im not really sure about the ending but tell me what you think please!!!**

"I'll never leave you again" He whispered in my ear

"Please don't make promises you can't keep" I said with a sigh

"Bella I'm serious. I can never leave you again. I can't live my life without you. Bella I'm here and I love you. I have always loved you and I will always love you. I was thinking of you, seeing your face in my mind, every second that I was away. When I told you I didn't want you it was the very blackest kind of blasphemy." And he kissed my forehead

"Edward please…" I knew this was what I wanted. I wanted him to tell me he loves me and always has loved me. But how could I be happy when he might just leave me again?

"Bella I can't leave you. Never again. Before you my life was like a moonless night. Very dark but there were stars— points of light and reason… and then you shot across my sky like a meteor. Suddenly everything was on fire; there was brilliancy there was beauty. When you were gone, when the meteor had fallen over the horizon of everything went black. Nothing had changed but my eyes were blinded by the light. I couldn't see the stars anymore and there was no more reason for anything" he said. He was looking right into my eyes and I think he could see threw them. See all the pain I was in see the joy of having him but the fear of losing him. And I could see right threw him. I could see the sincerity in his words, the love in his eyes and the regret of leaving. And I trusted him. How could I not? I loved him. And he loved me and in my heart I knew that. And maybe I always knew that and that's why it was so hard to let go. Maybe if I full knew he didn't love me and he didn't want me then it would have been easier for me, maybe I would have even been with Jake now. But I didn't want Jake I didn't want anyone else but Edward for the rest of my existence.

"Bella I have to know…why did you decide to come here today?" he asked

"Because I wasn't capable of living anymore…not without you" I said and he started kissing me again with just as much passion as before. And when he finally pulled away he said

"I wasn't capable of living without you either…I came back for you. I went back to forks and I heard that you had died. Seth, a Quileute, told me. I guess Sam sent him, Leah and Paul to see what I wanted. Seth was the only one who would tell me what was going on. He's so young…and Leah! Who thought a girl would have those genes." He laughed "And when I found out you were hanging out with them Bella! What were you thinking? Anyway I did come back but when I found out well er…I came back here and became a nomad again basically" he said but I could tell there was more to the story. I decided to ask Alice later.

"I was traveling around with Helena…we really couldn't stay in one place for long with her diet" I said

"And your diet?" he asked confused

"Like yours" he smiled

"For how long?" he asked surprised

"Since I was changed. I've never drank a humans blood."

"Impressive." He said and then Alice came down stairs.

"Hi Bella, hi Edward. we were just going to go hunt and wondered if you'd like to join us." She asked

"Bella?" Edward asked me before answering

"I'm good. I hunted on the way here but if you need to…" I said

"No I hunted on my way here too." He said and smiled my favorite crooked smile at me.

"Okay we'll see you later then!" Alice said as she skipped out the door

"you look thirsty" I said to Edward

"yes but I can hunt whenever" he replied smiling at me

"don't you want to go with your family?" I asked

"That was them being subtle, giving us alone time" he said looked confused and then smiled And I kissed him again. And for the first time in a very long time I felt hope. I had Edward and that was all I needed. All I ever would need.

"Ring Ring" my phone starting going off. I looked at the caller I.D, Jacob…

"Hello?" I answerred

"Bella?" jacob said slowly

"yes?" I answered very cautisiouly

"Are you okay? Helena came to see me when you left…she was worried and didn't know where you had gone. I was still in shock that your still alieve!" he said

"Helena came to see you?" I asked

"yes. She did. Wow Bella…im so happy you're alieve. But why didn't you tell me sooner?!" he demanded

"Jake I couldn't! I had turned into the thing you hate the most! How could I ever tell my best friend that!?"

"I guess you're right…but still bells come on… you didn't even tell me you're alieve! Ive been pretty beat up since I found out you had died Bella so has charlie and billy and just about the rest of the pack" I said

"I'm sorry jake…I just couldn't" and then I hung up. I wished I could cry, thinking of charlie and renee and jake and billy and the rest of the pack made me sad. All the pain I put them threw when all this time I have been alieve. But what was worse…someone you love dies or someone you love being turned into a vampire? They would have been afraid of me…my own parents. And what if I slipped one time? If I was really thirsty around one of them what would happen? I couldn't think about that now because edward was at my side in a instant with his arm wrapped around my waist and I leaned my head against his chest.

"Bella, love, I'm sorry" he said. What was I supposed to say? 'its okay' ?? it wasn't his fault though. And after a minute of staying with my head in his chest I looked up at him.

"I used to go check on them…Charlie and Renee I mean. I would make sure they were okay. I made sure no harm came there way. I was afraid to get to close to them though. I checked on phil too. Some days I would go to my old house while Charlie was asleep and I would lay on my bed for hours until he woke up then I would leave. I went to your old house too, you know." I confessed

"Why did you go to my house Bella?" he asked

"I don't know" I mumbled

"Tell me love"

"I guess I was hopeing that you would come back, that you would come back and be with me. it was pointless, but I had to hope because I didn't have anything else left" I said and he hugged me so tightly and then kissed me on my forehead lightly and whispered

"I love you" in my ear.

"I love you too" I said back. And he kissed me again, more passionatly and urgently then ever he carried me up the stairs to what I assume was his room and he laid me on a bed and kept kissing me.

When his family came home a couple of hours later me and Edward were both laying on his bed, intertwined, with our clothes on the floor. Wow…that was…wow… I never thought it would be that….amazing. When we heard his family comeing we quickly got up out of bed, put on our clothes and went downstairs. When came into the family room me and edward were on the couch watching T.V.

"Hi" said Alice cheerfully

"Hi everyone" Edward said as I waved hello.

"Im sorry to interupt your reunion, but, Bella and I have a conversation to finish" Alice said after the rest of the family went upstairs.

"Okay" Edward said kissing me then getting off the couch and going upstairs.

"Let's go somewhere a little more private. I'd rather not have an audience" she said.

When we got to the forest where we were earlier she sat down on a rock and looked at me. "Bella let me see your wrist"

_I was sitting in my room, on my bed, reading Wuthering heights again. Me and Charlie got in a fight earlier, it had been 4 months since Edward had left…I missed him so much. Charlie thinks it would be good for me to move to Jacksonville with my mom and Phil. I refuse to go. I had felt so empty without him, without Edward. I still loved him…things weren't getting any easier either. I keep hoping he'll come back and tell me it was just one huge practical joke. I couldn't handle the pain of this. The only time I could hear his voice is when I was doing something reckless. And I got an idea. I went over to my desk and picked up my scissors. I pressed the silver scissors to my wrist closed my eyes, bit my lip and pressing and dragging the scissors across my wrist. I looked down at my wrist; a line of blood was forming where the scissors had been. And I felt such a release of my pain, it lifted my worries away it seems. I pulled my sleeves down and got back into my bed. I looked at the clock which read '12:23' I turned off the lights and got under the covers and closed my eyes and fell to sleep almost instantly._

I slowly lifted up the sleeve of my shirt and revealed my many scars.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

**Okay so im so so so sorry that it took SOO long to put this up I was having writers block…its really short so im sorry about that…I'm still kinda stuck so if you guys could help me out ill explain more at the end of the chapter but thanks for all the awesome reviews I love you guys so much!!! I really appreciate it!!**

Alice didn't gasp, she did scream, she didn't look angry just sad and disappointed, but I would have take screaming and yelling over her disappointed eyes. I hated upsetting Alice. I pulled my sleeves back down slowly. I hope she doesn't tell Edward…but part of me wants him to know, not so he can feel morose, but so I didn't have to hide this from him, so he could know. I wanted him to be a part in every part of my life.

"Are you going to tell him" I asked Alice

"No. but I'm sure he will find out." She said "You look like you need to hunt…lets go home you can hunt with Edward" Alice said and we started running back to her house.

Edward greeted me at the door with a kiss.

"We'll be back later" he said to his family and we started running towards the forest.

"_Bella get up…Bells…" I heard a voice say as they shook me lightly_

"_Jake?" I asked confused. "What am I doing here?" I asked suddenly aware that I was at the Black's house, on the couch. _

"_You came over last night…you were really upset about something" he said "You needed someone to talk to" _

"_Oh" I said remembering all too well; the scissors, my skin, the blood, the tears, then coming here. "Charlie's going to kill me" I said more to myself then to Jake._

"_Don't worry, Billy called him, told him you came over to watch a movie but ended up falling asleep." _

"_Thanks Jake" I said smiling at him slightly. "I should probably go home though, for Charlie" I said._

"_Nope. Got it all taken care of, Charlie actually insisted you stay here today, says he has been worried 'bout you and thought it would be good for you to get out of that damn house" Jake said smiling at me "Normally I would have let you sleep, but I made you breakfast." He said_

"_Thanks…but you didn't have to do that." I said awkwardly_

"_Hey, no problem." He said bringing me a plate of French toast with scrambled eggs._

"_Thanks this looks great…what time is it?" I said_

"_Its almost 4 pm, you didn't sleep well."_

"_Oh okay"_

"_Yep. Listen I actually have to go…ware wolf stuff…last night I had Quil take over for me so I could stay with you…but now I've gotta do the rounds. I'll be back later though and Emily said she would stop by and say hi if you wanted to stay here…ill be done in a few hours and then we can do something" he said_

"_Okay" I said and he gave me a hug and walked out the front door._

_A few minutes later Emily showed up, she had a Ziploc container filled with what looked like cookies. _

"_Hi" she said going to the kitchen and putting some cookies on a plate and the rest she kept in their container on the counter. Then she came over to me, holding the plate of cookies towards me._

"_No thanks, I just ate breakfast" I said, hoping not to hurt her feelings_

"_Okay" she said setting them down on the coffee table. And maybe it was the way she looked at me, or how pathetic I felt here right now, maybe it was neither, maybe it was more but as soon as she set the cookies down and looked at me I burst into tears, they came down like waterfalls and there was no stopping them. I wasn't even sure why I was crying or if I'd ever be able to stop, but Emily was there with a tissue in hand and her arm around my shoulders comforting me. This gesture only made me cry harder though, but I don't know why. And even though I barely knew her I told her everything, about Edward about my mom and Phil, about Edward leaving me in the forest and about Alice and his whole family, about James and Victoria, about Laurent, about Charlie, and I even told her how I wished I could love Jacob and wished that I could give him my heart but that I couldn't, there was nothing to give, and I even said that I wished Edward would come back, and even though I haven't admitted it to myself, that I still had hope he would come back. Maybe that was why I couldn't move on, because I still had so much hope that he would come back to me. and as I told her things that I haven't even admitted to myself she sat there and listened, didn't offer advice or tell me I was crazy for falling in love with a vampire, well I didn't expect her too, she fell in love with a were wolf didn't she? And I even told her about cutting myself. And I trusted her so completely with these secrets. She listened to me talk and cry until I finally stopped crying and I expected her to say something like "I'm so sorry" or "that sucks" like anyone else would but from the look on her face I could tell; she got it. She's gone through it all before, maybe it wasn't the exact same but she knew the pain, joy and heartache of love. And for us; the danger. And she suddenly stood up and said_

"_I have some shopping to do…would you like to come?" she asked_

"_Sure" I said, getting up. I looked down and realized I was in my favorite pair of baggy sweatpants and a oversized sweatshirt I didn't recognize. _

"_We can stop by my house and you can borrow some clothes if you'd like" Emily said_

"_Okay thanks" I said and we got in her car and left to her house._

"Bella?" I heard Edward say as I came back to reality.

"Huh?" I replied

"Are you okay?" Edward asked

"Yeah… I'm fine"

**Okay so like I said im kind of stuck…and im having trouble thinking of other things to write and I want your opinion on some things so please review and tell me like your answers for these questions**

**Do you like hearing about Jacob? Should I put him in the story more…in the present I mean???**

**Do you like the flashbacks??? **

**Any ideas on cool twists and stuff for this story (ill give you credit) lol **

**Should Edward ever find out about Bella cutting herself?? This may not be the most realistic thing ever but I mean with her pain…idk I just kinda liked that idea and I know a lot about it from past experience…but who should tell Edward or what should happen? **

**Thanks so much and anything else youd like to review about would be great thanks again!!!**


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